


Walking through Eden

by writworm42



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Christianity, Cunnilingus, F/F, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, LADP, Lesbian AU, Loss of Virginity, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Smut, attempts at conversion therapy implied but not described
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 02:30:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18651094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writworm42/pseuds/writworm42
Summary: In which Vanessa isn't ashamed of her body, Brooke doesn't call the cops, and Paula doesn't stay hidden.





	Walking through Eden

**Author's Note:**

> This got way heavier than I was expecting lol, but I'm really proud of myself for it. It's my first lesbian AU and pretty out of my comfort zone, so I'm not sure if it's going to be my usual standard, but I really hope you guys enjoy nonetheless <3 
> 
> Please take care of yourself. This fic is quite long and is interspersed between smut and Brooke dealing with internalized homophobia, all of which is tied to themes of religion. Please take a break if you need to, and do not feel pressured to read to the end. If people want, I can also post a second chapter with just the smutty parts c/p'ed into it, for those who want to read that but would find the original too triggering.

“Oh my God.” Brooke stared in disbelief through the slats of her window-blinds at the woman on her lawn, spread out on a lawn chair naked as the day she was born, for some God-unknown reason slathering herself with water from a large bottle. Noticing Brooke’s eyes peeking out at her, the woman raised an arm high in the air and began to wave enthusiastically, her breasts bouncing and long black hair swaying a little in the process.

Brooke gasped and slammed the blinds closed, suddenly feeling breathless.

 _Goddammit,_ she thought, closing her eyes and trying to catch her breath as she turned her back against the window, half leaning and half bracing herself up against the blinds. This was the fourth time this week—she’d be well in her rights to call the police by now. Heck, she would have been well in her rights the first time. But, turning back to look, peeling down a single slat to peer back out onto the grass, something stopped her yet again. She chewed her bottom lip as she watched the other woman lift up her leg, squirting out just a little more water, letting it drip down the back of her thigh…

 _No._ Brooke let go of the slat, screwing up her jaw resolutely as she watched it pop back into place with a _thwack!_ that shook the whole blind. This time, she was going to do something about it. Before she could even think twice, she sped to her trailer door, threw it open, and marched outside, stomping straight up to where the woman was laying.

“Miss Mateo!” the sunbather looked up at the sudden shadow blocking her light, Brooke’s reddened face reflecting back in the lenses of her mirrored sunglasses. “What are you doing naked on my lawn?”

“Please, I keep telling you, call me Vanjie.” Vanjie smiled dreamily as she took off her sunglasses, batting long eyelashes at Brooke, who did her best to settle the sudden flutter that rose in her stomach.

“I most certainly will not!” a wave of indignancy smothered any butterflies lingering,

Vanjie smirked a little, but shrugged, picking up her water to squirt more onto her arm and pretending she didn’t see Brooke’s eye twitching as she did so. “Okay, Brooke, how about Vanessa, then?”

“That’s Ms Hytes to you!”

But of course, Vanessa wasn’t listening—only trailing her eyes up and down Brooke’s body, those long, lashes fluttering, fluttering, drawing Brooke in and leaving her unable to look away.

“You know, your energy is very tense right now, Brooke. Although…” she exhaled deeply, her chest heaving, causing Vanessa’s own to tighten a bit. “I can feel something there that’s crying to escape, trying to loosen up…”

Brooke’s heart stopped, and she had to force herself to breathe.

 _Just go back inside, Brooke, just go back…_ She so desperately wanted to leave, wanted to stop watching, wanted to go back inside and study her Bible instead of the crease between Vanessa’s brows and the small peeks of Vanessa’s tongue between her slowly, barely-moving lips as she muttered to herself. But Brooke found herself rooted to the spot, mesmerized by the brunette’s every move, no matter how small.

Then, after countless skipped heartbeats, Vanessa’s eyes opened again, and suddenly she was standing up, walking towards Brooke, grabbing her hands.

“Tell me, why are you so repressed?” Vanessa’s voice was low, her pupils wide. Brooke breathed out shakily.

“I’m not _so_ repressed, it’s just…” despite herself, Brooke was unable to keep from trying to stammer an answer, her mind suddenly blank and throat suddenly dry as her eyes broke away from Vanessa’s stare and down past the her neck, over her collarbone, down to her bare breasts. Then, remembering herself, Brooke snapped back to attention, inhaling sharply. She felt her face sting with heat and embarrassment, while a look of understanding—and, she cringed to think, pity—settled on Vanessa’s face.

“It’s okay,” Vanessa whispered kindly, her grip on Brooke’s hands tightening, “Look at them.”

Brooke’s head felt light, her knees weak. It wasn’t okay. Nothing about this was okay.

_You’re sick. You’re making us all sick._

_The Bible is very clear on this. It’s not natural._

_No daughter of mine will indulge in that._

_You can stay, but understand that we won’t tolerate that lifestyle._

Brooke had read Romans and Leviticus so many times that their paper had become curled, crushed by shaking fingers and smudged by screaming highlighter. _Man shall not lie with man. Man shall not lie with man._ How many meetings with pastors had she been to? How many support groups, how many prayer circles?

And yet here was Vanessa standing in front of her, holding her hands, begging her to look down at temptation itself, telling her it would all be okay, and all those confessions, all those testimonials, every dollar spent on every self-help book she owned, were once again out the window.

“Touch them.”

“What?” Brooke looked back up at Vanessa, her heart lurching to a near stop.  

“Touch. Them.” Vanessa repeated with conviction, her face calm and eyes resolute. And before Brooke could process the command, before she could even react to what was happening, Vanessa had forced Brooke’s hands up, resting them gently on her breasts.

“How does that make you feel?” Vanessa’s voice was quiet, Brooke’s heartbeat and racing thoughts anything but.

_You can’t do this. You can’t do this._

_Fuck, I’m doing this. I’m doing this!_

_This is wrong. This is wrong._

If this was so wrong, why did it feel so amazingly, incredibly right?

“How does it make you feel?” Vanessa repeated herself again, her eyes locked on Brooke, her stare unwavering.

“Confused.” Brooke exhaled shakily. Yet underneath the panic, underneath all the doubt, there was a growing satisfaction, a calm that Brooke resented having and yet desperately wanted to stay.

“You need to loosen up.” Vanessa’s voice had dropped to a whisper, hoarse with determination yet carrying an undertone of tenderness that soothed Brooke, almost made her forget what she was doing, who she was doing it with.

Almost made her want to do it more.

And before she knew it, before she could so much as think of saying no, her mouth was on Vanessa’s, Vanessa’s hands on her waist and her name on her tongue, _Brooke Brooke Brooke_ barely audible underneath the desperate pants of her breath hot across Brooke’s teeth.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t where she was supposed to end up. She was supposed to wait until she got married, wait to kiss, wait to hold hands, wait to feel anything that she was feeling now.

But then Vanessa’s hands were playing with the hem of Brooke’s shirt, fingering the buttons clumsily as they began climbing, exploring, no sign of stopping until she’d undone every button on her way up to palm Brooke’s face.

_You’re a gift to your husband from God, don’t let anyone unwrap you before then._

 “My trailer or yours?”

_I know a wonderful, patient man from work, maybe if I set you two up you’d forget this whole phase._

“I don’t care.”

_You just need to wait until God picks the right man._

“Mine, then.”

_Maybe some sessions with Pastor Charles will straighten you out._

“Let’s go.”

Brooke didn’t think as Vanessa led her into the neighbouring lot. She didn’t think as the door of the trailer swung open, nor when it slammed shut. Instead, she fell back heavy on the bed moving on instinct she didn’t know she had, shedding her shirt as easily as switching between channels on TV. Everything she saw Vanessa, the tattoo on her chest heaving with every breath, her eyes clear and focused with lust. Water and sweat mixed with freshly-washed linen in Brooke’s nostrils, intoxicating her, pushing any shred of doubt out of her head as she continued to kiss Vanessa, her head full of the sound of her, the sensation of her skin tingling on her fingers. She didn’t think as she moved her hands away from Vanessa’s breasts, following the curves of her waist, over her hips, down to her ass.

She didn’t think, because she knew that if she did, she would have stopped.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Vanessa’s voice cut through the adrenaline, bringing Brooke out of the moment, back to herself.

Or at least, partially.

_You could stop. You could stop._

She didn’t _want_ to stop.

There was no turning back.

 “I’m ready.” Brooke muttered, craning to try to crash her mouth into Vanessa’s once more. Only this time, Vanessa’s lips didn’t meet hers—this time, Vanessa’s lips landed on her neck, sucking and licking and nibbling, causing Brooke to exhale sharply as a sudden urgency flashed between Brooke’s legs.

Brooke had felt this way before—she’d felt it at church when she was younger, welcoming the new youth group leader with a warm, tight hug, watching how her eyes fluttered closed every time they were about to say a prayer. She’d felt it in ballet classes back when she was no more than fifteen, when she had to force herself to look away from the shortest girl in her class changing out of her leotard, letting go of her bun and allowing her long hair to stop just short of her naked ass. She’d felt it in college, when her roommate wobbled out of their dorm in too-high heels and came back with a vodka-fuelled confidence and rhythmic sway in her step. Even recently, she’d felt it at work, waiting with bated breath every day for the new temp to walk by her cubicle, ears alert for the tell-tale drag of flats on the office’s carpeted floors.

Only those times, the feelings had only been flashes, passing whispers instead of debilitating waves.

“Let yourself feel it. There you go.” Vanessa comforted, the urgency in her lower body stirring more intensely as the small woman ground down on Brooke’s hips and reached down to grab her breasts, kneading and stroking them as she continued to rut up Brooke in a slow, torturous rhythm, pressing down across Brooke’s pubic area and making her feel utterly restless and…

Wet?

Brooke shifted her hips experimentally, the increased contact with Vanessa’s own body intensifying the slippery feeling between her panties and her skin. Panic rose in her chest, her mind racing. What was going on? Was something wrong?

 “I’m… Hold on, wait, I’m… Oh geez, I think I’m leaking or something…” Brooke pushed herself up, pushing Vanessa away. Vanessa obliged, separating herself from Brooke and staring at her for a moment before concern became confusion and confusion melted into understanding, her face becoming equal parts curious and amused.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” she chuckled a little, “It just means you’re turned on.”

“Oh.”  Brooke breathed out a little sigh of relief, the urgency and the wetness continuing to pool even though Vanessa’s grinding had slowed to a stop.

“I’m guessing you were never taught about your body?”

Brooke shook her head. “I was always told I wouldn’t need to know, because my husband would.”

For a moment, Brooke thought she saw a flicker of pity, or sadness, or both, in Vanessa’s face, but if it was there, the smaller woman made it disappear quickly, a smile that was equal parts sly and tender replacing it. Leaning down, she resumed kissing and sucking at Brooke’s neck, causing Brooke to squirm desperately. Meanwhile, Vanessa’s mouth was on the move, nibbling and licking up towards Brooke’s ear, biting down on the part where her lobe met her jaw.

“How would you like it if I taught you all about that beautiful body of yours?” Brooke shivered at the words whispered in her ear.

“I’d like it a lot.” she breathed out, her hands moving as if on their own to cup Vanessa’s ass. Vanessa smirked. The next thing Brooke knew, Vanessa had moved her hands over to her belt, and with expert hands had removed it and started working at the button of her jeans, tearing them off with a gentle, yet quick force that left Brooke breathless. Brooke moved to take off her panties, but suddenly, Vanessa’s hand shot out and latched onto her wrist, forcing it down onto the mattress.

“Let me.” she whispered, gently spreading Brooke’s legs apart and tracing a hand over the inside of her thighs, up and over to her core, pressing down through the fabric of Brooke’s underwear so that Brooke could feel how soaked she was, how badly she wanted more.

“Vanessa, please—”

Vanessa giggled, but finally humoured Brooke, slowly and teasingly lowering her panties before leaning down and planting a soft kiss on the top of Brooke’s pubic bone, one measly, aching centimetre above where her slit began.

 _Fuck,_ Brooke thought, doing everything she could to supress the moan building at the back of her throat, _This woman is the fucking devil._ Brooke thought about what her mother would say. She thought about how fast this had all happened. She thought about whether or not she’d take it back, let it happen again.

And then Vanessa kissed the centre of Brooke’s folds, lapping all the way up in wide, wet circles that arced just below Brooke’s clit, and Brooke didn’t think at all. She brought a hand down and bunched it in Vanessa’s hair, pressing her face more firmly into her core. Vanessa hummed as her laps became faster and faster, less and less broad, working their way up to Brooke’s clit before honing there, circling around it, flicking the tip. Brooke felt her entire body tense, the wind completely knocked out of her as she let out a guttural moan.

“Fuck, Vanessa, oh my God, fuck—I’m gonna—”

But before Brooke had a chance to come, Vanessa’s face had resurfaced, the sudden withdrawal of contact making Brooke gasp deeply, an overwhelming shockwave of need coursing through her body, leaving her unable to relax.

“Why… Why did you…” but Vanessa cut off the question by sealing her lips against Brooke’s, their tongues tangling together in a salty, hungry kiss.

“I want you to do it,” Vanessa panted up against Brooke’s lips, her breath hot and sharp and desperate, “I want you to touch yourself for me.”

Brooke was too far gone to protest; instead, she pushed Vanessa off her with a force she didn’t know she had, two fingers finding their way to her clit, her eyes fluttering closed in relief at the contact.

“Good, that’s good.” Vanessa’s voice came out in a breathy sigh, and Brooke opened her eyes to see Vanessa kneeling in front of her with her own hand between her legs, palming herself and rutting her hand up against her clit, two fingers in-between her lips, massaging herself up and down. “Use the pads of your fingers, there you go,” she directed, and Brooke obeyed, the increased pressure drawing out a sharp gasp.

“How does that feel?” Vanessa’s voice was relentless, her stare piercing as she watched Brooke continue to work circles around herself, her whole body growing hot as the pressure began to build.

“So fucking good,” Brooke whined. She was beside herself with need, her body beginning to shake.

“Yeah?” Vanessa’s own voice was becoming uneven and breathless, the slick sound of wetness slapping against itself reverberating around the trailer walls. Brooke closed her eyes, unable to do anything but focus on the feeling vibrating through every cell in her body, the pleasure so much it was almost painful, the sound of her own wetness mixing with Vanessa’s and drowning out the pitch of her own whimpers, the pounding of her heartbeat in her ears.

“You gonna come for me, honey?” Vanessa was a vision dripping in sweat, her cheeks flushed and raven hair sticking to her neck, her shoulders, her collarbone, every part of her seeming to come together into an image that made Brooke keen and buck against herself frantically. “Huh? You gonna come?”

Brooke didn’t have time to answer. Her breath caught in her throat, and suddenly, she was falling, God’s name mingled with Vanessa’s on her lips, out into the air, the strength of her orgasm overwhelming every one of her senses. Vanessa’s moans mixed with her own, and suddenly Brooke regained the strength to snap her eyes open, looking into Vanessa’s own as they both came together, gasping and panting and smiling, drinking in the sight of each other’s pleasure until they both collapsed, tired and sated, Vanessa using the last of her strength to draw herself close to Brooke, nestling into the taller woman’s embrace. They stayed there for a moment, hearts beating fast, breath sharp and heavy, drinking in the smells of sweat and sex that lingered in the air around them, until Brooke broke the silence with a low, breathless laugh.

“That was amazing.” she giggled. “That was literally the best I’ve ever felt in my life. Oh my God.”

Vanessa laughed, grinning widely. “I’m so glad.” she reached up to kiss Brooke on the nose, quick and light and yet still enough to make Brooke’s heart swell. Vanessa’s eyes twinkled as she pulled away, looking at Brooke with affection and something else she couldn’t quite puzzle out—sentimentality? Kindness? Pride?

“D’you know why I was always sunbathing on your lawn?”  

“Because you don’t believe in private property and want to share your free love with the world while simultaneously reclaiming the land?”

Vanessa rolled her eyes. “I mean, yes, but it’s more than that, too.”

Brooke’s heart skipped a beat. She knew where this was going, knew exactly what Vanessa was going to say, and maybe this morning, she would have done anything to avoid hearing it. But now, Vanessa’s warm body against hers, she wanted nothing more than to hear those words, to confirm the thoughts bouncing around in her head.

“I could tell you wanted me.” Brooke was caught off-guard by the sudden shyness in Vanessa’s voice, the way the usually bold, confident woman seemed to shrink as she spoke, hiding her face in Vanessa’s shoulder. “And I wanted you back.”

_You wanted me._

_I wanted you back._

“I think I want to do this again some time.” Brooke whispered, holding Vanessa close.

“Me too.” Vanessa returned, her breathing mellowing to match the slow, sleepy beat of Brooke’s heart.

They stayed there in silence for another while, the day passing them by.

_You make me sick._

_That was wrong._

Maybe it was the fact that they were in Vanessa’s trailer, the bubble created around them in the safety of Vanessa’s bed. Maybe it was the feeling of Vanessa’s body up against her. Maybe it was just the fact that she’d done something she didn’t know she could do, something she’d always wanted to but was too scared to try. But no matter why, no matter how, a shift occurred, and Brooke’s thoughts changed, rising up from a part of her brain she didn’t know she had.

_Shut up._

_This was good._

_This was right._

_I want to do it again._

_I'm going to do it again._

“You okay?” Vanessa stirred again, looking at Brooke with concern.

“Yeah.” Brooke nodded, not a shadow of doubt in her mind as she smiled, a sense of warmth and pride swelling in her chest.

“I’m great.”


End file.
